i got 99 problems but feelin’ guilty ain’t one…

i was awakened by the strong aroma of fresh coffee throughout the house. the air coming from the open windows was cool and crisp. i rolled over and pulled the bold colored quilt up to my neck and snuggled a little further into the soft sheets and down pillow. i laid listening to the birds chirping and glanced at the clock. 10am. it was 10AM! suddenly i felt a sense of urgency to get up out of bed. i couldn’t even remember the last time i slept that late…

i got up, threw my “old man” oversized grey sweater on over my pajamas and put my tangled hair into a pony tail. i walked into the kitchen to find my friend and her husband making blueberry waffles from scratch while sipping on hot coffee. it was then that i had to remind myself… i’m on vacation and it’s OKAY to take it easy.

this was my first time to be away from my family for six days, just ME… visiting my best college friend who now lives in california. although i was a bit anxious about leaving my little one for that long, once i got on the plane and started leisurely flipping through an US magazine, i felt pretty good. and, although it was fun to Facetime with her from time to time, really the only guilt i ended up feeling those six days was when i stopped and realized i didn’t feel guilty for being away.

i love being a mom. it’s the best job in the world. and i know how blessed i am to have my daughter and to get to stay home most days and spend so much time with her. but, this trip reminded me that i am still… ME. the girl who loves to watch music documentaries about rock artists. that likes to sip and try different wines with my girlfriends while talking about our deepest feelings on life. the hip-hop lovin’ girl who likes to dance in the car with the windows down while rapping along with Jay Z. whose favorite place to shop is at urban outfitters, even in other cities where they have the same things i can buy at home. who enjoys learning new recipes and taking the time to cook with fresh products. who feels an ache to get out and play in wildflower fields when i drive by them. whose favorite thing to do in the morning is to have a leisurely fresh breakfast with french press coffee. and yes. i got to enjoy all of these things while on my vacation.

it was an awesome reminder that i need to take the time to tap into who i am as an individual while still identifying as a mother and spending the majority of my time with my daughter. i had a little talk with myself on the flight home and vowed to take the time in the mornings to make myself french press coffee and cook more meals that i love. i’ll watch the new Aerosmith documentary when she goes to bed. i’ll make time with just my girl friends to go shopping and drink wine and i’ll sing and dance to rap in the car on the way. it doesn’t make me less of a mother. if anything, i think it makes me a better one because  i’ll be a more balanced person and i can show my daughter the importance of doing all of the things that make you happy. and, if i’m lucky, maybe some day she will love doing all of those things as much as i do and we can do them together. all except the inappropriate rapping to 99 problems part… 😉

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